Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in flameshadow117's LiveJournal:

Saturday, April 7th, 2007
1:11 am	Dreams, Distance, Nice, and Mean. Its strange... actually, the whole thing is very confusing now. Well, first of all, even though I like this guy, Jonah, and he loves me, and I always think about him and miss him before I go to bed... yet for the past few nights I've drempt of Terry. The first night, it was after he'd been sick awhile, and I wanted to make him feel better... and we were just cuddling.. and it was really nice... And then the second night... was something really weird... like... some magical altermate universe thing with technology, and there was a futuristic city, and a bus... and there was a mal or something, and a hotel kinda thing.. and there was a secret portal to this place that I knew about, through like, a toilet or something.... Er, it was odd. But anyways, Terry was there too, something to do with a trampoline... it seemed normal at the time. And another thing, even more bothersome... is that Jonah reaally really likes me, alot. But we've never actually said so in person. In fact we've only seen each other TWICE in the past 18 months!! At the time we were together alot.. in the fall of 2005... I didn't really have a crush on him.. he was more of a *potential* crush... and then since december I have been considering him again... I was really hoping to spend time with him over spring break, I thought, we'll probably be dating by the end of the week. But due to our school's schedules, I only saw him one day... and we pretty much *did* end up dating by the end of the week... just, over AIM. I mean, our affections are pretty much out in the open now, and if he was only a "potential" crush before, his constant assertations of how wonderful he thinks I am, the mushy romantic things he's always saying... the way he realizes how "cheesy" he is, its just so sweet-- and, seeing how I always have crushes on guys with no interest in me, I was hoping just *once* a sweet guy would obsess over *me* for a change-- and he completely fulfills that. But then I think... but this is just on AIM... when we meet in person, we're not going to meet as a gf and bf would... we're going to meet as two people who havent seen each other in months. The diffence between out online relationship and our real one will make things really awkward. But thats not the half of it. Well, I told him about this girl I knew from high school, and he realized their names were really similar, and he was like "Out names are so close! I should marry her or something!" and it was like, I know he's just being silly, but... I mean.. there *are* girls at Cornell that it'd be sooo much more convienient for him to date. Am I sooo special that he's going to suffer alone for months for a chance to be with me? We both know its inconvenient... that thought has been at the back of my mind awhile.. but when he mentioned how our relationship is "good, but inconvienient" it smacked me like a sack of bricks. It *really* is inconvienient. With us going to different schools, 6 hours away, for four years... only seeing each other twice a semester... how long will this really last? Its sweet how much he loves me, but... the more he wears down the reservations in my heart... the more I start to love him... its only opening me up so it'll hurt more when it finally ends. The logical part says, this is just like with Nick... it'll only hurt... its best to just end it now, to say "forget about me and live your life!" But that would be like giving up... ending it before it begins... curiousity killed the cat, I suppose... I'm a big cat. I can't just let this drop before I see him. And another thing... that girl Allison.. he is so afraid to break her heart... he almost considered dating her fr awhile, just so he wouldnt have to hurt her by rejecting her... Its really sweet, the way he is... but its wrong. Its dishonest. What is he wants to end it too... what if he is tired of being apart, and wants something more convienient? What if he finds someone else and he's too sensitive to tell me, because he doesnt want me to be hurt? I don't want him to pretend to be happy for me... And also, I don't want him to cheat on me! I mean, I would only be half suprised if he cheated on me because he didnt want to hurt some girl who liked him... or because he didnt want to break up with me... Gosh he is a bastard sometimes... but only because of how sweet he is... Nice people are so mean >< (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
11:32 pm	well, I guess I'll post here.... Well, its been like... 2 years since I've posted here, just to say that I never post here... ummm I hardly know how to work this livejournal thing.... but I've gotta be the most prolific blogger ever to hit myspace, so I guess I should come here as well OK so ummm forgot what i was talking about. I like AIM too much. OH! OK, so my myspace blogs are mostly about thoughts, ideas, and feelings. So this blog should be a journal about current events in my life. right-o. I'm home for spring break, and so far it pretty much sucks. We stayed at a hotel friday night and it had a hottub so that was nice. Then saturday we went to shelburne farms and bought some sweeeet cheese! And then sunday we went to a children's theater performance of Seussical the Musical. Shannon was the lead, the Cat in the Hat... I must say I'm a bit jealous of a middle schooler lol. Well, I always get jealous of people who excell at the arts.... or at climbing/high adventure activies, or at the various zoologies... basically anyone who does stuff I want to do better than me, even though its because I dont do those things as much -_- And I should. I should motivate myself, like Jonah, or Terry... OK, so then that brings us to monday.... what did I do monday? Its tuesday so I must have done someting on monday!! I know last night morgaana got drunk and she dad and Seamus had a jam session... but earlier than that... I think I was just online all day >< Being bored. What a way to waste a day. And what about today? Same thing! WAIT! Yesterday we took the dogs to Rye beach! Aha! we saw two swans approach our two white boxers (Beatrice and Bowdoin) on the sound, withthe sunset behind them. Idk how we didnt have a camera. OK, so today I meant to go see my freind Alex in Dobbs, but she never told me what time and where, and since I couldnt get into my appartment in Dobbs, I ended up staying here, and only got in contact with Alex later (who hgad been trying to call all day..) I wonder if ants are edible? I'm back, and I just learned all about Entomophagy. Hurray! I wonder why people dont eat bugs? I bet its a sustainable food source, moreso than beef. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
8:18 pm	Um. Hi. Idk why I'm on Livejournal. I think its so I can comment people who dont accept anonymous comments. If you actually want to know who I am, I am on Myspace. www.myspace.com/Flameshadow117 YES THATS RIGHT! I have come snuck behind rival territory lines wearing the sheepskins of a LJ account! MUAHAHA. ::sneaks suspiciously around like a lone wolf in another pack's territory:: o yeah. i must be badass. (Comment on this)